I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Just got a Snapchat of his dick with the caption 'We miss you.'
That's true love, there.
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize