For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
this is the second day the intern has gotten me coffee. he either wants to bang me or thinks I'm more important than I am.
either way he's in for disappointment
I hate political talk. I just wanna get fucked into an alternate universe where Bernie Sanders is president.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
