After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
he has been on a 2 week bender, has been homeless for a week and a half, and leaves for madagascar in 2 days. Do we worry or is that normal?
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
honestly performing my own hysterectomy would hurt less than my cramps right now.
Randomize
