why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
my goal for the rest of college is to escape STD free. fuck getting a job. this is more important.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
wow bdsm is so cute
Randomize