moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Apparently i was peeing on things and marking my territory. I broke their light socket too. Needless to say im banned from their apartment.
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
I don't think we had sex because when I woke up he was still wearing the chicken suit.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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