ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
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Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I just used FaceTime as a look out while I got a blowjob in the library
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
you just have the mind of an innocent, non-tainted child.
YOU KNOW THAT'S BULLSHIT BECAUSE YOU'RE THE REASON IT'S BULLSHIT
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
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