I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I just masturbated to the thought of him straight up talking to me. to us having a conversation. What the hell.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
IT WAS A FUCKING ELEPHANT I SWESR!!!!!
Nathan, I haven't spoken to you in 12 years and it's 6am. Kindly fuck off.
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