I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
i know, but like... i wanna be a CLASSY i'm-stealing-your-date kind of slutty...
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
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