I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
The second he texted me with "*dry humps you!*" I knew any relationship we might have had was over.
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
Woke up in the middle of my kitchen clutching a cheesy gordita crunch
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
