Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I love you.
Bad choice
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
