Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
Oh you know same old same old. just eating pizza after faking extreme night terrors to get a one night stand to leave my apartment
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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