You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
whoooo knowwsss what george of the jungle juice is but i feel like im in the promised land
was his dick as big as our hopes and dreams?
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
holy shit thats the most artistic dick pic ever
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Lord give me the strength to not check my tinder messages at my grandmother's wake.
Officially the best daughter ever. I just restocked my parents alcohol that I stole last night AND ADDED TO IT
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize
