Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
You are just a treasure cave of fabulous alcoholic ideas.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
It's official, I need to start putting my vagina's needs before my own.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
We kicked down a door together last night, pretty sure that qualifies us as best friends.
Randomize
