It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Well hey if hot cowboys are involved then all bets are off.
you're by far the better bro. your dick is more impressively sized, anyway
I hate that you know that from experience
I dont know how to respond to your rave picture. I mean yeah, he's hot, but it just seems wrong to be like "Please tell me you fucked that guy with the pacifier!"
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
