My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
I went out with a plan. I came home with a Brian. THIS WAS NOT PART OF THE PLAN.
I'm scrolling through our convo thread and all we talk about is pizza, alcohol & dick with the occasional "I miss you" thrown in.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Randomize
