is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
Dont tell her I prefer to have an aura of mystique surronding me and my penis.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
