all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
YOU WAXED MY CAT YOU SICK FUCK
Pretty sure he was in my class in like 2nd grade
I like how you know everyone I've ever fellated.
It was like he was 23 all over again. Madness. I. was. so. scared.
Randomize
