Ana's brother is visiting for the wknd. He came back to our place last night drunk to find me passed out naked it in the shower with the water still running. I was still drunk. We decided it was a good idea to have sex and sleep on the bathroom floor. Woke up this morning spooning and using my towel as a pillow.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
The vomit I understand but how is there seaweed in my bed?
they're doing drop shots of Jager into red wine. i don't want to be on that level
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
we were hooking up and then he goes "you can touch my penis" and i laughed too hard to do anything. no second date.
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
