I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
I found a map from his room to his bathroom this morning in my purse. Apparently I was too fucked up to get there without one.
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I hope April is a better month for dicks. March has been very disappointing.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
Randomize
