whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
you just stared at your feet and said some shit about the molecules dancing and how you had just solved physics.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
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