It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
I wish you would always start your sentences with "speaking of my clit..."
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Thanks for being my best friend so I can use you as an alibi to my family while I'm out getting some dick in my face.
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
