Jon and Kate are totally playing with my emotions.
i mean i care more about their marriage then my own parents
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
I'm literally trapped as the little spoon on a mattress on the floor of an unfinished basement with a professional athlete snoring in my hair
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
Randomize
