Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
He had a 99.9% chance of getting laid...until he started cutting down the frat's volleyball nets with his pocket knife.
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
As I read your response saying I need a tan before I can become a go-go dancer, a girl cane up to work and gave me 10 coupons for 100 days of tanning for a dollar.
This is fate. You were destined to be a stripper.
You very well can't change your mind now. It would upset the natural flow of life.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
He just showed up at my house with a giant box of Trojans and a 6-pack of Yoohoo "for a special treat afterwards". I'm in love.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
