there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
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He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
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I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I'm sorry about the fire. I was too fucked up to do science, apparently.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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