I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
It's been a long time since I got "Talk about Glen's enormous penis" drunk
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I was sat at the table waiting with a glass of wine reading my book and the hotel staff gave me a goldfish in a bowl and said 'heres your date for the night' !
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
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