Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
Irrelevant. Does he have queso? That's the real question.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Randomize
