Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
I'm not upset with you; I'm upset with Fox News.
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Randomize
