We walked past a group of guys in front of a bar last night and they claimed, I quote: Wow, we'd actually have to work for that.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
Before you become official, we should get a hotel room and fuck our brains out. Sort of like a going away party for your penis.
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
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