If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
Just downloaded the entire Justin Bieber album sober.. I think you know how I'm doing.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
I think her version of saying goodnight was being flung over a guys shoulder as he said, "Bitch. You don't need no shoes."
We were having an argument with his friends mom about whether it was worse that he bootycalled me at 4 a.m. or that I bootycalled him at 12 in the afternoon
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
So how'd the job interview go?
well turns out the guy interviewing me was a regular at the strip club where i used to work. Talk about awkward
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
Randomize
