Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
got a free grilled cheese. Didn't even have to talk about Jesus
Randomize
