hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
He's 30 years old and woke me up for a hand job. Last time I go home with someone I met through Tinder.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
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