I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
and the award for most disgusting thing ever done on my couch now officially goes to you! Congratulations, you won the couch...I can't even look at it anymore.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
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