So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
Randomize
