i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I mean, how many people can say they helped surgically remove something from their body? Other than the guy that got his hand stuck under a rock and cut it off. Doesn't count
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
Sorry my hands just texted you
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
