thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
do you really not remember him getting up at like 4am with a leaf blower running through the house and telling people to "WAKE THE FUCK UPPP"
I'm sitting in front of a fan naked drinking Gatorade. Motherfucking hangover probs
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
Well if your hearts not big enough, your penis certainly is. Just have a threesome
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Randomize
