I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
Randomize
