Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
What I dont get, is for a man with a penis his size, to choose to go back with another girl instead of one that he says is the best sex he's ever had. He cant afford to be picky.
Worst PDA I've ever seen. She even licked the mustard off his mustach
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
