The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
While she was crying about breaking up, he looked at her through his fork and said "of course she's upset, she's in jail." Having sex with him tonight.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
it was only during my walk of shame that i realized i was wearing the exact same outfit that julia roberts wears on the dvd cover or pretty woman. prostitution is my destiny.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
I'll just have to do enough fangirling for the both of us. Nipples engaged.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Randomize
