She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Woke up to a bottle of gatorade and a packet of saltine crackers tied to underwear hanging from my ceiling fan, along with 3 advil stuck to a piece of duct tape and a note saying "have a happy hangover- <3 you/me"
Drunk you is pretty stunner.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Part of me really wants this picture, but the other part of me knows if he is really this drunk, he could be sodomizing a lamp and not know it
I'm just checking to make sure you don't want to go to the farmers market... This is an assumption based on the fact that you were slapped with a sandwich last night and you remained unconscious.
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Get ready tonight we are going to get drunk and pierce my nipples
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Ok, there are marshmallows shaped like elephants
Apparently I was carrying around a bottle of listerine calling it 5 loco
Randomize
