STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Change of plans I'm coming home and shotgunning all the beer we have.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
you're hired as official boob wrangler
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
Randomize
