no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
He hasn't responded, but he probably just jizzed in his shorts again, so I'll give him time.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
it's pretty awkward texting you how much I want to suck your cock when I have my mom on speakerphone.
On my way
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I’m gonna slowly take you in my mouth and push you deep into my throat so my lips are right up against your body and then I’m gonna fucking bite your shit off if one more of our friends shows me a snap you took while I was giving you head. Are we clear?
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
Randomize
