I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
