Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
apparently he was unaware pussies come in unshaved form. curse you redtube and your unholy lies
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
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