piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
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