So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I found a video of us drunkenly yelling "we wanna be the Pope" as we passed around the blunt
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
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