No awkward lesbian experiences without me
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Took "drink until he's cute" to a whole new level last night...
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize