Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
yes we did fuck in his chapter room. yes it was demeaning. and yes, they probably will discuss it at chapter tonight.
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Who would you rather hang with tonight, drunk me or high me?
The Vicodin is in the strawberries.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
I think I gave a random lady a dildo
Again?!
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
