i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
so literally, as soon as i tripped and fell and hit the floor the earthquake started. hows THAT for a self esteem boost?
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Would you go as one half of Harry and Lloyd in Tuxes to Aaron's wedding?
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
