The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
I think I have a pornographic memory.
Don't you mean photographic?
No.
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
Don't do anything you wouldn't want to explain to paramedics
But that's half the fun of it
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
We are winners. And by winners I mean home wrecking sluts
Isn't that what our 20s r for?? Testing the strength of other people's shitty relationships?
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Why did I see a weird snapchat of you barking at McDonald's last night?
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
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