I've decided through careful research we can out drink any country folk.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
Because you failed to stop the wedding, now I have to be a homewrecker. My eternal damnation is on your head I hope you're proud.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Randomize
