apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
hes like my own personal sex toy i use him on the weekends and then i have the option to put him away all week
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
