I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
I can't wait for you to see these terrible photos I'm about to have taken with some stripper looking girls. I don't know what this photographer is thinking
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Because he's your one night stand I shouldn't feel obligated to extend social media to him
He asked me when I was coming to bed while simultaneously drilling a fart into the mattress. Don't fucking get married.
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
