I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Why are handjobs necessary in class?
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
My butthole probably tastes like a Cinnabon right now
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She rode me like a jockey on that tiny couch. Then we spooned.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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