the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
All I know is I had a penis in one hand a bottle of wine in the other
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
Yes. Be the home wrecker you've always dreamed of being.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
