Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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