Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
sorry like um she made me hold her puke bag while she peed in front of me is that better
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Also, making a white Russian with butterscotch schnapps instead of vodka is probably the best decision I've made in my entire college career.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
This may be the most redneck thing I've ever said, but I know all there is to know about farting dogs
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