32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
If I die, let him know that his penis was the last penis I saw. And I'm happy about that.
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
