so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
I'm just sad for you. It sucks that the 17 douchebag asshole guys you're fucking can't morph into one nice, normal, non-alcoholic guy that has a drivers license and no criminal history.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I would say I'm the man in the relationship but I'm cuddled on the couch eating cake mix and water.
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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