im orety awesome arent i? relly i know i am
I saw his dick soo much last night when I saw him this morning all I saw was penis where his face should be
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Sometimes I think he has a hidden camera in my vagina so he knows what I'm doing and saying at all times...
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
I came so hard my ears popped.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
