Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Hot fire fighters installing my closet. Don't know how to go about this. Gonna nonchalantly take my shirt off and see what happens..
Randomize