and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
Randomize
