I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
I repeat the shot was ON FIRE. I am never going to a pirate bar again.
He tied me to the bed, fucked me and left me tied up until he proved to his room mates that he actually fucked me. But other than that, best sex ever!
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
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