I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Every part of me is in agreement...but mostly my vagina
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
It's National Whipped Cream Day, prep those nips
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
